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I still remember the first time I tasted alcohol and liking it.
I was eleven. My formative years were pretty alcohol free though
if I remember rightly, just the odd teenage intoxication, not really
anything to worry about. I had seen quite a lot of the devastation
alcohol can bring and was determined not to fall into that trap.
I remember sort of floundering around during this time not really
settling at school, underachieving, and trying hard to fit in. It
was around the age of fourteen my obsession with how I looked started
and the constant battle with my weight that was to blight the next
twenty years reared it's ugly head.
At seventeen the transition to higher education kick started an
eating disorder, which at that time manifested itself as anorexia.
I became incredibly thin and the thinner I became the happier I
was. Inevitably I couldn't keep up this type of starvation and by
now everyone was on my back so I started to eat. This however made
me extremely unhappy and I soon discovered a way to eat and stay
reasonably thin (as I perceived it) and started a battle with Bulimia
that spiralled quickly out of control. Drinking had, as yet not
become a huge problem still only the odd night out, but looking
back even on those odd occasions I would get extremely drunk. After
leaving school I settled into a job I enjoyed, met my husband and
we started a family. I became very adept at hiding my problems with
food and it was after the birth of my first child that my drinking
took off.
I was initially drinking in a social context, going out with friends.
Looking back I realised just how quickly my behaviour was affected,
doing things I wouldn't normally dream of doing. This started to
cause problems at home but by now I was in full swing and unwilling
to change anything. Slowly but surely as my alcoholism progressed
I was drinking more and more, and it now became an issue at home
with most evenings spent drinking to some degree. My drinking was
obvious, the eating disorder still a big secret. I started to feel
very ill and in 1996 was forced to get honest about everything,
as I was now feeling suicidal.
I had time off work a lot of support from my GP and family and
over the next year gradually got better, returned to work, and decided
that I had beaten all my demons and could now start drinking in
a controlled way. It lasted six months before I was almost back
where I started. Fortunately I recognised the pattern and knew that
I couldn't go through that again. I attended my first meeting of
Alcoholics Anonymous, I attended regularly and knew that this was
helping, not only to address my drinking but also other issues that
seemed to blight my life.
I heard about WGCADA through a fellow member and I felt that I
needed more input and started Primary treatment in 1998. I gave
up work as I realised just how ill I had become and concentrated
on getting well. The centre taught me a tremendous amount about
myself and is probably the single most important thing I have ever
done for myself and subsequently for my family. It was painful on
times and hard work but it gave me an insight that up until today
has kept me safe from my addictions.
I spent 10 months in treatment and started on the aftercare programme,
I was now committed to the programme and so very grateful for the
help I received (unbelievable to me that you can get this level
of treatment free) that I offered to do some voluntary work. I had
kept myself busy up until now by accessing DOMINO (Development Of
Motivation In New Outlooks) and helping out at the various charitable
events that came up, (invaluable sources of support for me at this
time). The journey I embarked on from that point still amazes me
to this day. I initially started voluntary work for one day a week
which I enjoyed and did this for some time.
My confidence began to grow (it had too really as I was doing group
sessions, something I hadn't done before), and I decided to apply
for a position within the agency that had become available. I hadn't
been for an interview for many years and I was very anxious but
with my newfound confidence was determined not to let anxiety deter
me. I was thrilled when I was informed I had the position and soon
settled into the role. That grew into a full time position over
the following year. Although I deliberated about working full time
it soon became apparent that due to personal circumstances it was
the right move and one I have never regretted. This has led onto
other opportunities within the organisation and I applied for a
senior position and again was very happy when they offered me the
position.
I feel I could not have achieved the things I have without going
through the treatment process. My quality of life and that of my
family has increased ten fold. I sometimes wonder how the hell did
I get here, I don't know, but I am so grateful that I did.
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